So it’s still morning here and I’m trying to decide what to do with my time. I try to use my time in the mornings to do a little computer organizing . . . going through my files, my lists, songs, maybe even rehearsing. But as atypical as this may seem, I’m lazy.
I probably shouldn’t say lazy. It makes me look bad. But I did just wake up, and why does it feel like my coffee hasn’t kicked in yet? This morning may require a double dose of caffeine.
The snow is coming down at last, and it’s making up for lost time. All winter; barely any snow. Finally heading towards the end of January, we’re getting dumped on. Looks like it may be at least a few inches. And it’s supposed to last all week. My delightful Maestra is expecting me today for our first lesson in almost a month! But now it may be that I won’t be able to get out of our road (we live on a long dirt road, all the way at the bottom).
I definitely know my own car won’t make it. But my husband’s might, and so then I’ll be able to go to my lesson. I missed last week because of a stupid and very annoying stomach ache that wouldn’t go away for two weeks (I’m better now, thank goodness). And then the two weeks prior to that, my Maestra was away for the holidays. I’m not happy with this missing of lessons thing…
And what’s terribly funny and ironic is that before my lesson, say an hour or so, I get horrible jitters. Lessons are for learning, making mistakes, and learning from them. I know I’m going to make unpleasant sounds with my voice, reaching for some high note I’m not ready for, or trying to improve on a sound, repeating it in different vowels . . . and thinking to myself how retarded I must sound. Then I’m thinking, “What am I doing here?”
Let’s face it: I’ll never be an opera singer. Not really. I can fake an aria or something, but that doesn’t mean it’ll sound like it’s supposed to. My goal is not to study in a conservatory or music school. It’s not going to happen, and so I’m accepting that. But I’m also having the hardest time figuring out what I should be doing with my voice? Sure, it’s okay and I can sing like Ariel (on a good day) . . . but what? Is Disney going to hire me or something? Let’s be real here.
I’m also not (currently) a songwriter. I have no music theory, and I can barely play piano – by ear. That doesn’t help much when you need to know which notes go with which. My husband has all the music theory, but no ear, so he gets into his “nutty professor” mode and starts raving excitedly about “The Circle of Fifths” just before lamenting over not having learned an instrument himself.
So what? I sing songs other people wrote. I know people do this and are quite popular in the music world by doing it. I’m not really Barbara Streisand either, though (and, actually, I think she does also write music… but I can’t say for sure). If I were to describe the kind of voice I have, I would say it’s a high voice with a childlike quality to it (I’m using someone else’s descriptive), a fast vibrato and a strength in the mid-range with less child and more earthy tones. So, I’m like a singing pixie or sprite . . . or something. Some fantasy forest creature seems appropriate.
And that’s me.